All of these movies were watched with the company of Joel, Mike, and the Bots from MST3K. If you’ve never seen Mystery Science Theater 3000 you should do yourself a favor. It’s fantastic. All of the movies are terrible and not worth watching without the commentary. Reviews are done of the movies sans commentary. I couldn’t go through a year watching movies without spending some of them on MST3K.
Movie Title: Time Chasers
First Watch / Repeat Viewing
Running Time: 1 hr. 29 min.
Rated: PG-13
Who did I watch with?: Flying Solo
Where did I watch it?: Home
Review:
Time Chasers is an abysmal mess shot in Vermont about a dorky scientist that can travel through time with a prop plane. After constructing the time machine, Nick Miller contacts the local newspaper and the CEO of a huge corporation to come check it out. They travel into the future where they hang out in a futuristic…food court. Nick falls somewhat in love with Lisa though we don’t really know why as nothing happens between them. An evil corporation run by J.K. Robertson buys the rights to the plane and the future is promptly destroyed.
The movie is hilariously bad because of Nick’s traipsing through time to try and prevent himself from selling the plan to GenCorp. It was like someone saw Back to the Future while they were drunk and decided to give it a try. There are forays into the lamest dystopian future ever and transitions back to the Revolutionary War where incredibly inexplicable things happen. The plot devolves to the point where it makes no sense. Robertson is hilarious as the most stereotypical bad guy ever put on film. Ultimately, they somehow get back to their own time. Nick and Lisa run into each other at the grocery store. Hurray!
Verdict:
It is terribly goofy, low budget, and just bad. Skip it.
Tomorrow’s Movie: Mitchell (1975)
Movie Title: Mitchell
First Watch / Repeat Viewing
Running Time: 1 hr. 37 min.
Rated: R
Who did I watch with?: Flying Solo
Where did I watch it?: Home
Review:
Mitchell is a detective story where our titular star played by Joe Don Baker may be the least inspiring character ever put on film. Joe Don Baker would go on to have a nice run with a lot of bit roles, most notably as Jack Wade, in a couple of James Bond movies. A leading man he was not.
Mitchell awakens in the bag of a police cruiser where he is being driven to investigate a murder. After quickly botching that assignment by getting rough with the suspect he is assigned to tail a suspected heroin distributor. His heart really isn’t in making a huge drug bust so he continues to harass the suspected murderer, which is mostly because no one else suspects him. The two plots become intertwined, but it is so convoluted I’m not sure I could explain how. James Arthur Cummings (Martin Balsam) the suspected heroin ring leader leads Mitchell on lame car chases and tries to evade him in the most pathetic ways possible. It is laughable.
How a movie like this could land somebody like Martin Balsam is also funny as he had turns in some of the greatest movies ever made including Psycho, All the President’s Men, and 12 Angry Men. He must have needed a paycheck. Yikes.
Verdict:
One of the worst detective movies ever made. Skip it.
Tomorrow’s Movie: The Brute Man (1946)
Movie Title: The Brute Man
First Watch / Repeat Viewing
Running Time: 58 min.
Rated: Unrated
Who did I watch with?: Flying Solo
Where did I watch it?: Home
Review:
The Brute Man features the story of a serial killer dubbed ‘The Creeper’ who is killing people from his past. Hal Moffat suffered a horrific chemistry accident that left him disfigured and he blames many people in his life for the end result. He goes on a spree killing them. While on his spree he runs into a blind woman who loves him for who he really is…which is a blood thirsty murderer. Somehow, despite the police arriving at her house, she doesn’t put two and two together. The Creeper mixes robbery with revenge in hopes of paying for an operation that will cure the blind girl. There are a few terrible subplots between the chief of police and the mayor’s office that amount to nothing, but ultimately The Creeper is caught!
Verdict:
The Creeper literally creeps through the whole movie. The pace is staggeringly slow. Skip it.
Tomorrow’s Movie: High Noon (1952)
